Penis Duck

Hello. The following story was written in an email to my friend. 

I just came home from watching the move Inside Out. As a movie review: it was amazing. Brilliant. Touching. It made me cry, surprisingly. I rarely cry at movies, but this one got me a couple of times. I highly recommend that you watch it some time. 
I was seeing the movie with my buds, Amy and Rosa. After the movie ended, I do this tradition in which I have everyone take pictures in the photobooth, and then I try my hand at this claw machine game where you win rubber duckies.
So, upon approaching the machine, I took a look at what ducks I could win. This one duck design stood out to me. It was a duck shaped like a dalmatian- only.... the spots didn't exactly look like perfect dots. It sorta... Anyway, we called it the "Penis Duck".
I put in my dollar, and Rosa's nudging me, "GET THE PENIS DUCK." I'm laughing, shaking my head, going, "No, no, no I don't- I can't." 
"So which one are you gonna try to get? Ohh, look there's sock monkey ones."
I'm just moving the joystick randomly, trying to think. "Oh, man. I don't know which one I want." Suddenly, the claw starts going down without my permission. "AW, MAN. NO!" I yelled. I followed the claw with my eyes, and I basically screamed when I saw what I picked up. 
"Oh my god. OH MY GOD," I'm gripping onto Rosa's shoulder, in disbelief.
"No WAY," Rosa says between her bouts of laughter. I pull out the duck the claw machine picked out for me, and....



​I got it. I got the Penis Duck. I held up the duck to Rosa (Amy was in the bathroom, I should mention), and I said through my laughter, "IT MUST'VE BEEN DESTINY."

Not too long after that, Rosa's dad came around to take Rosa home. I rode with Amy. Walking to Amy's car, we saw a woman with a really rad convertible. Like that thing, when putting the roof down, looked like it came from the Transformers. We loudly complimented her car, so she could hear us. "WOAH, THAT THING IS AMAZING!" "IT'S LIKE A TRANSFORMER" "THE FUTURE IS NOW, OH MY GOD."

Amy & I got into the car, and Amy started driving us home. At a stop light, Transformer lady was stopped right next us. Our windows were rolled all the way down, and Amy grabbed this AUX chord, and was like, "QUICK JESS, PLAY THE TRANSFORMER THEME SONG ON YOUR PHONE!!!" I did it, and while the theme blasted, we both looked expectantly at the transformer lady, but she was on her phone and paid no mind to the two teenagers in the car blasting obnoxiously loud music. Shame. 
Once that song ended, I played the Avengers theme, because who doesn't love the Avengers, honestly? When that song ended, I was asked Amy, "Oh, what song should I play next?" 
"Umm.... Star Spangled Man With A Plan." [Hear the song here] (i may or may not have made this song my ringtone *cough*)
"YES."
I passionately sang along, WHO WILL CAMPAIGN DOOR TO DOOR FOR AMERICA? CARRY THE FLAG, SHORE TO SHORE, FOR AMERICA? FROM HOBOKEN TO SPOKANE! THE STARRRR SPANGLED MAANNNN WITH A PLANNNNNNN!
Once that song ended, I was sorta short on what to play next. Scrolling through the songs on my phone, I found an all american anthem to save the say. Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson. Rolling through my neighborhood, now, the two of us sang with all our hearts and souls to this song. We turned heads. Little kids waved at us. It was amazing. 


And thus ends my night. :)

-----

Thanks for reading.
-Jess

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SPRING BREAK 2015

Hello! You know what bugs me? Minor thing- but- there's such a limited number of fonts to choose from. Oh well. 
IT'S SPRING BREAK 2015! What a time. I'm determined to make this vacation different from my winter vacation- and I'm actually not gonna spend all day lazing around in bed. I'm determined not to waste my days. We've only been given a 7ish day break, and diddly darn it, I'm gonna use those days wisely. 
It is currently Thursday as I write this, so the vacation's already beginning to simmer down. Here's what I've done on my vacation so far:

FRIDAY:
 - Went to Shop Rite with Amy and bagged items for a fundraiser thing. 
 - Went to Rosa's abode and filmed an SBB video with her, Amy, and Marianna
 - After suffering from intense allergy symptoms from being around her cat, I went home, ate and recuperated, and then headed over to Amy's house to play Super Smash Bros. Around 7PM, I started feeling exhausted (must've been from all the social interaction I've gone through in one single day). I walked home (which was very nice. The weather was being v kind that day, as opposed to the astringent winter New Jersey went through.) Later that night, one of my role model's, Grace Helbig, her show was premiering at 10:30. It was still around 7PM, so I figured "Hey, I'll take a short nap, and I'll wake up in time to catch the show!" So I took a nap, and when I woke up, it wAS PAST MIDNIGHT. I was heartbroken. 

SATURDAY:
 -First thing I did was watch the Grace Helbig Show on Demand. It's amazing. It made me laugh. 
 -Edited the video recorded the day before.
 -Filmed more stuff for another video.
 -Pranked my sister SO HARD when she came home from her 2-week vacation in the Philippines. My friends and I filled her bedroom with over a thousand balloons. 


SUNDAY: 
- Finished editing the video filmed on Friday.... yeah that counts as being productive. 
MONDAY:
- Considering the fine weather of late, I decided to take a leisurely walk around my neighborhood in the morning while listening to Welcome to NightVale. It was nice. 
- Went to the doctor and got two immunization shots. Cool times. 

TUESDAY:
- Tried getting some cereal, but the top of the container holding my cereal popped off, and cereal just got EVERYWHERE. It was a sad time. 
- Went to another doctor, this time for a wellness check or whatever. I ended up getting two more shots- this time vaccines. I also learned that I'm at risk of getting pneumonia, so I now have to use my inhaler four times a day. Also I have to see a podiatrist as well as get a bloodwork. On the brighter side- I grew one inch! So I'm now 5'1''. 
- Bailey got home from her vacation to North Carolina, so me, her, Rosa, and Amy shared dinner at Java Joe's. Only Bailey spent most of the time at a staff meeting. Me Rosa and Amy just had fun goofing around at our own table. This Tuesday was pretty crappy, but this was easily the best time of the day. Aside from the part where I ate too much and gave myself a stomach ache. 
- The four of us plotted for a new possible podcast we wanna make.

WEDNESDAY:
Oh this day had so much more potential. 
- Plans to go to Six Flags were today- but was postponed to Friday. 
- Finished editing the Balloon Prank video shared above. 
- Made ShowsBeforeBros feel eveN MORE PROFESSIONAL AND STUFF. I feel like my editing skills have advanced so much since the beginning of the channel. Like, I thought I was good then but NOW, oh ho ho. I'm making it up there to the professional youtuber vlogger level in editing. Watching lots of videos online and picking up their editing styles is helping v much. For me, the biggest influences are Jacksfilms and itsGrace. Some elements picked up from Connor Franta and Dan & Phil have been picked up as well.

THURSDAY:
That's today! Today I'm thinking I should clean my room a bit. Y'know Spring Cleaning (oh that's actually not a bad idea. It's 1PM and I haven't really left my bed to do anything yet). And then work on the essay my diabolical English teacher assigned to her class to complete over the break. It's due to TurnItIn by Sunday night. Yeah, no last minute essays the period before for that class. I, stupidly, left my english textbook at school. That textbook is a vital element to completing the essay, so I'm waiting on Bailey to drop by my house to let me borrow her book. I really need it. I have an A in my English Class, I don't wanna let it drop because I was being a dingus. 

FRIDAY:
This is tomorrow! I'm planning on spending the day at Six Flags with Amy and Rosa. As it turns out, we're the only roller coaster junkies in the Nerd Herd. Vicki and Marianna are like deathly afraid of the things, and if I know Bailey from iPlay America, she probably doesn't like it that much more. She freaking got nauseous on the Tilt-A-Whirl ride. LAME. 

SATURDAY:
I have nothing particularly planned for this day. Maybe I could get the Herd to all hang out together at least once before the break ends. Maybe plot more for the podcast. 

SUNDAY: 
Ahhh the day before the day. I'll make sure everything that needs to be done is done before school starts. On this day, I'll allow myself to chill out all day. 

Yep! So that's the plan/what happened for the break! 
Thanks for reading. 
-Jess 

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I WANNA GO HOME

Hello! I haven't written here for a while now, huh? It's almost been TWO MONTHS. THE BLASPHEMY. That aside, hello! How've you been? That's great. Glad to hear. Now rather than relaying with you what's been up with my life, I have some PHILOSOPHICAL THOUGHTS to share. Are you ready for it? 

Okay, so I've noticed myself saying something like "I wanna go home" even when I'm already in my house. It's kinda weird. But when I think more deeply about it, I remember that a home is different from a house. And although I'm in my house- say in my living room with a bunch of people that I'm not really close to, like my parents' friends- I would say feel inclined to say "I wanna go home".
For me, home isn't just my house. It's a bit more specific than that. Home is alone in my bedroom, snuggled in a blanket in the dent of my mattress with my laptop. That's were I feel comfortable, safe, and time flies when I'm home.
That's my home. 
Whenever I "want to go home" it's more than getting to my house, it's getting to that state of comfort and security. I'm not home until I'm in bed with my laptop. 

That said, I'd like to ask whoever might be reading where their 'home' is. Lemme know.

Thanks for reading!
-Jess

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Your Friends' Favorite Books

Hello. I am still in my reading mojo and I've decided to take a different stance at picking what book to read. I already have a small list of books I would like to read myself, BUT to extend that list, I've come up with the idea of reading my friends' favorite books.
I feel like a person's favorite book has to say something about their character, and who they are. (In case you're curious, my favorite book is The Hobbit). So, I've asked the Herd for all of their favorite books, and everything they've said is definitely going to go on my reading list. 

  • Vicki - 
    • The Giver - Lois Lowry (#1)
    • (tied for 2nd)
      • Acceleration - Graham McNamee
      • Miss Peregrine's Home - Ransom Riggs
      • Crispin: The Cross of Lead - Avie
  • Amy - 
    • The Host - Stephanie Mayer
  • Rosa - 
    • Blood and Chocolate - Annette Curtis Klause 
  • Marianna - 
    • Bioshock: Rapture - John Shirley (personally very excited to read this)
    • Vampire Academy - Richelle Mead
  • Bailey -
    • Scorpio Races - Maggie Stiefvater
Yes, those are my friends' recommendations for me. I've already finished reading Acceleration (I've completed that 210 page novel in 2 days. #Ievenimpressedmyself). I have now moved onto Bioshock: Rapture. It's the prequel to the Bioshock video game series. I haven't played any of the games yet, but I do plan on it once I finish the book. Marianna says that she'll lend me the game eventually. Very excited for that. 
It's great. As I'm reading Rapture, I can just... feel... how Marianna must've loved the book. Like, I can sort of feel Marianna's essence off of the book? If that makes any sense. 
I don't know. But I hope you catch my drift. 

So yep. That's the plan! 

I've been doing so well with reading this year so far. I'm on my 6th book. I've read the Hobbit, Grace's Guide, Perks of Being a Wallflower, A Study in Scarlet, Acceleration, and NOW I am on the Rapture. Nice. *Self-five*

Thank you for reading :)
-Jess


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YEAH BOOKS!

Hello! Okay, I know we are well into January, and it's kinda too late for New Year's Resolutions, but YOU KNOW WHAT. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO MAKE GOALS FOR YOURSELF. I think I've determined to do this thing a while ago when I found this photo, but I've actually begun to put the thing into action. It's this thing! 

Yeah! Check out that thing! I'm not gonna aim to check out the entire list, but I do hope that I will cross out a good heap of them. One thing I've learned is that I am actually a pretty fast reader. I managed to finish the 300ish page novel that is The Hobbit within about a week. NEAT.
 As of today, I have read 2 books. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien & Grace's Guide: The Art Of Pretending To Be A Grown Up by Grace Helbig. I wanna do a quick informal review of Grace's Guide, since that book is newer to me than the latter. 

GRACE'S GUIDE: THE ART OF PRETENDING TO BE A GROWN UP!
First of all, I'd like to say that Grace Helbig is one of my favorite Youtubers to date. (The other two being danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil). I watch all of her videos as she uploads them, because I'm kinda a dedicated fan. 
My dear friend, Amy, asked me about a month ago on what I wanted for my birthday. I gave her a list of three items: 





(I'm trying to make my blog more visual so I'm hoping that you are appreciating the extra effort in adding these things).
Yep! Those were the things I asked for. By the time she said she'd ordered my gift, the timer for the rad Misha shirt had run out. TBH although it was listed first on the list, it was the last thing of the things I've asked for that I really wanted. That Dan & Phil calendar was actually on top. FUNNY HOW THAT WORKED OUT. 
*ahem* 
So, the time of my birthday came around, and I finally got my gift! (She had me wait all day to give it to me. She wanted to wait til we got to Java Joe's and we were w/ Bailey for me to open it. The anticipation that day was killing me). And, as you've probably already gathered, that gift was Grace's Guide! It was hella ecstatic.
Within a couple of days (not immediately after receiving it. I still had the Hobbit to finish) I've finished reading the entire book!

Now my overall thoughts of the book in bullets.
  • Funny. Just like Grace Helbig. You can hear her voice inside of my head as I read. It was great.
  • Pretty insightful. I will say that I definitely did learn a thing or two after reading this book. For example: Deodorant is a top priority.
  • GRACE HELBIG IS VERY PRETTY. There were hella pics all throughout the book, and they were all amazing. 
  • This is not a timeless book. In fact, it's quite the opposite. It's ephemeral. (I may or may not have searched antonyms for 'timeless' to come up with that word). Anyway, the most I have to say about this book relates to this.
    It isn't the type of book, like the Hobbit, that you'd be able to pick up 100 years from now, and have still be just as effective and awesome as it is today. She makes a billion references to things that are popular today. I can imagine it becoming outdated in just a year or two, to be honest. However, I suppose I should take note that this book
    was written with millennials as the targeted audience.  (You are a millennial if you were born between the years 1980 - 2000. Hey, check that out! I'm a millennial!) So once the millennials die out, so will the book.
    Seriously, though. To pick up this book in 2115 and try to read it will be like us today trying to read The Scarlet Letter. I haven't read that book, as I'm in a class that doesn't really focus on reading books, but my friends have complained how difficult it was to understand due to the Old English speech.
    And if you think that that's not true. Read this stuff:
    - imo i think ur hair is on fleek.
    - omg im hella salty
    - tbh idk. ur v cool tho
    See, I'm sure you were able to understand that just fine. It's common place for us. We internet explorers are familiar with this language that didn't exist 50 years ago. (and in case you couldn't translate any of that into plain english, lemme throw you a bone. 'In my opinion, I think your hair looks great!' 'Oh my God, I'm really annoyed' 'To be honest, I don't know. You're very cool though.')
Yep, so those are my thoughts. To give you a taste of what would be found in this book, here's an excerpt! It's from the section called "How to: Get Over a Hangover"
If you currently have a hangover, stop reading this right now. Trying to read when you're hungover is only slightly worse than trying to read when you're sober. #lol #books #irony #stayinschool #unlessschoolisntforyou
Instead, trying having a friend read this chapter to you. We'll call your friend "DR." No, not a doctor, a "Designated Reader." But if that person happens to be a doctor, kudos to you for having an intelligent friend who gets paid to touch body parts. Also, maybe ask them how to cure a hangover. 
The first step to hangover recovery is accepting that you've brought this upon yourself. If you didn't you should probably go to the police. Or stop hanging out with Chrissy. I mean, her parents named her Chrissy. Not Christina. Not Christine. Chrissy. A government employee had to print "Chrissy" on a birth certificate. Also, she lets her thong strings show out of the top of her jeggings and she's got a tattoo of a ying-yang on fire. Sorry, but she's bad news. 

Yep. So my consensus? READ THIS BOOK*. It's a fun read! I enjoyed myself. You could too!

Anyway, thank you for reading! Have a fab year. Maybe try to take part of that reading challenge! <3

-Jess

* While it is still relevant. 







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Twenty-Fifteen

Hello! First and foremost, HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 
I don't know where to begin my story... I guess New Year's Eve.
That was a very eventful day. Around one, Amy came over my house, and we watched the Desolation of Smaug together. Me, her and Bailey were planning on watching the last Hobbit movie in theaters the day after, so it was important that she watched it. After that movie ended around four, she went home, and them my sister and I headed to the chapel to practice this dance routine for a performance in the New Year's Party. 
After practicing, my sister and I headed to the actual venue of the party.
Being the socially awkward and friendless person that I am, I brought some yarn and knitting needles and started knitting while sitting alone. To my surprise, this actually influenced people to come up and talk to me, rather than ward them away. It was weird. 

So yeah, the performance happened, and I sucked pretty badly. There's video of it on facebook, but no where else, so I'm guessing that means if you aren't friends with me on there, you won't be able to watch it. 
I played this game where I had to wear pantyhose on my head, with a tennis ball in one leg, and knock over numbered cups in descending order. I lost. 


The humiliation. 
After the new year's party, there was an after party at a family friend's house that involved pajamas. I took no hesitation to wear my monster onsie that I love so dearly. Turns out, I wasn't the only one there wearing a onsie. Kuya Raffie, a grown man, actually was wearing a batman onsie. AMAZING. 
We all counted down til the New Year, ate, and then played a bunch of fun games. My favorite was charades. I OWNED THAT GAME. There was also this hot potato game that involved fruit. There was a mango, pear, banana, and orange. That banana, by the end of that party was brown and mushy and disgusting. 
Around 3AM, the games had ended and the energy was simmering down. I didn't want to fall asleep though, as many were doing. Heck Sid fell asleep on the floor. Like wow, man. He must've been REALLY EXHAUSTED. 
But I still had some energy left in me. So I busted out my phone and played some fab music and danced by myself until my family decided to go home around 4AM. 

By the time I got home I was dead tired. I fell asleep pretty quickly. As much as I would have liked to sleep in until my energy bar had restored, I couldn't. At noon, I was to go to the theater and watch the new Hobbit movie! So before I passed out completely, I made sure I set an alarm to wake me up at 10AM. 

Waking up in the morning, I took a shower, and got dressed. At 11:30, Amy came over, and drove us to theater to meet up with Bailey and her boyfriend, Taylor. I actually documented this adventure, so I will now present to you our movie trip video.


Yep, after that shindig, I went home and edited and uploaded that video.

Realizing that is was actually 2015, I remembered that I had a year long project in 2014! Throwback to this blog post, in which I said:
Last night, while laying in bed, I planned on sort of rating each day of the year with an emotion.
 So I did stay true to that, and here are the results!!



And that just about wrapped up my first New Year memories. Woooo!

Hope you have a lovely 2015. So much potential. 
Thanks for reading.
-Jess




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MORE JAVA JOE'S! I Seriously Love This Place.

Hello! It hasn't been long since I last updated this blog! Haha, so anyway, I went to Java Joe's again!
Amy, for the first time EVER drove her car with me and her younger brother, Jason, to school! NO BUS RIDES FOR US, WE ARE COOL KIDS NOW. Lol no, that's not gonna be a daily thing. Only when Amy has to work at the coffee shop. 

Strait after school ended, the two of us headed to Java Joe's. We jammed out to my phone's music, including Robin Sparkles' "Let's Go To The Mall", OK Go's "The Great Fire", and when Amy had 3 minutes to get to the coffee shop before being late, "Where Did The Party Go" by Fall Out Boy played to hype us up. 

We got there JUST in time. 

Bailey was in the coffee shop, although it wasn't her shift. From the chaos of yesterday, she had managed to lose her voice. She didn't stick around for long because of that. She just wasn't feeling well. 

Rosa had told me that she'd be arriving soon, so I sat around on one of the couches of the coffee shop and knitted as I waited. 
Later, Rosa updated me that her mom decided to do some Christmas shopping, so she'd be later. I took this as cue to just order my food myself. Around this point in time, Tyler (Have I ever mentioned him before? Well in the time that I write this, he is Rosa's bae) arrived, so we ordered food together, and ate at the bar. I had realized that I only had with me five dollars, but noTHING ON THE MENU SOLD FOR FIVE BUCKS. So Amy so kindly let me 'borrow' (which I will return in the form of a mix CD, probably) money from her own wallet. That doll. 
Tyler shared a similar predicament, so Amy lent both of us money. Heh. Thanks, Amy, you're fab. 

I ordered the Cheese Steak, and Tyler got the Triple Grilled Cheese. The service at the moment is kinda slow, but I'm sure that it'll improve as time goes on. I mean, it is only the 2nd day of business. I also hope that if business gets better, the prices will be able to go down, because phew 8 bucks is kinda a stretch for a couple of high school students without a job. 
The food was seriously DELICIOUS. It was SO. GOOD. 
At one point, Tyler left his seat to check out the arcade, and I grabbed his plate and 'hid' it. I vowed that I'd get take pics of record things in Java Joe's, so here is a video of what happened when Tyler got back.

Yep! 
Okay, so I finished my food, and payed for my meal. Tyler put the remains of his grilled cheese in a to-go box for Rosa's later consumption.

When Rosa DID finally arrive, the three of us headed to the arcade and played FAMILY FEUD! A hecka old game inside a box that was dusting, and the information extremely outdated. But oh man, was that game INTENSE. Saving you from the anger, frustration, anxiety, happiness, and all the other emotions that were wrought from that game, I ended up winning. 

Once that was through, we exited the arcade to find that it was already dark outside! WOW the time had really passed. 
For the remainder of my time there, the three of us (and occasionally RJ) sat at the couch I was at before, and read from my book of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. Hilarious. That book's rendition of The Princess and the Frog (Renamed 'The Frog Prince') was... it was a shock. I was horrified. It started out so, y'know, politically correct, and ended with politically justified murder? 

And lastly, here an unflattering picture of us hanging out on the couch and things.


Thanks for reading!
-Jess

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JAVA JOE'S

Hello. It's kinda late as I write this, so I'm gonna keep this as brief as I can, while making it detailed enough so my future self can read this and be brought back in nostalgia. 

SO TODAY, DECEMBER 22, 2014, BAILEY'S MOTHER'S COFFEE SHOP, JAVA JOE'S HAS OFFICIALLY OPENED!! I was able to go there tonight and seriously, I love it.
The walls are a nice, calming light green. As it was an hour til closing, it wasn't as jam packed as it's been reported it had been earlier. I ordered a small hot cocoa, (ugh so delicious) and my dad got a mocha. 
The entire staff is filled with people I know from school. Amy and Bailey, Matt, Tyler Sansone, John Grady, Padrick, Jen, and one other kid spotted from the kitchen that I didn't recognize. 
Matt was the one that took my order, and for him actually being nice to me, I gave him a considerate one dollar tip, which realllyyyy excited him. (Kinda cute). 
Rosa came over, and while we drank our hot cocoas, we caught up briefly. It's hard to believe that I haven't seen her in person in a month. Like, it feels like no time had passed, but when you think about it, Nerdsgiving, the last time we saw each other, was essentially today, last month. WOW. 
Anyway, it was real nice seeing her again, as well as Crystal Caruso. She was like "JESS! I MISS YOU, MY SWEET SAMSON!" to which Amy, who was manning the cash register, was amused by my nickname "Sweet Samson". IDK Crystal's always been calling me that. It's like the name that ONLY SHE is allowed to call me. She also sometimes calls me Jessica Samson (my full name). But 'My Sweet Samson' is her preferred name. 
Crystal was playing chess with Marcus at the bar. 

After finishing our hot cocoas and snacks, Rosa and I headed over to the ARCADE (YES. THIS COFFEE SHOP HAS AN ARCADE.) and we played pool! It was my first time EVER playing pool, and guess what? I WON!!! I BEAT ROSA!!! AYEEE!
Amazing. 

Not too long after that, it was time for me to depart. 
I really enjoy Java Joe's. I'm going again tomorrow after school. 

Thanks for reading!
-Jess

P.S. 
I really wish I had taken pictures. Maybe I'll film a video of the Nerd Herd hanging out there for the ShowsBeforeBros channel?? :)

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Brock.

Hello. Wow, it's December again. 
This week was not the best. In fact, it was mainly exhausting. 
Last Saturday, November 29, 2014, Brock, the cute little birdie I've had since 2009... passed away. It's... heartbreaking, honestly. You know how you're not supposed to pick favorites between your kids? Well, out of Brock, Brooke, and Ellie... Brock was always my favorite.
Anyway, the last full night he was around, he was very ill. Like he was visibly more sick than he had been for the past couple of weeks. I just thought it was a thing that'd pass when I began noticing Brock being less active and tired. Then he started shedding a lot of feathers. Like, the top of his head had a bald spot, and the feathers around it were clumped together. Not sure what that was about. 
He was always sleeping or eating. He didn't sing as much.
On that last night, his flying didn't look to good either. He'd fly lower than normal, and he struggled flying for a short period of time. That was concerning. I knew something was very wrong when I went to pet him, and he didn't jump away, or put his foot on my finger to keep me from touching him. He just... accepted it. He stood on my hand, and didn't bother to move. The poor thing. 
My dad and I did the best we could to help keep him warm. His feathers were all poofed up. Looking at him wrapped up in a fluffy sock... I sort of sensed that his story would end soon. I pushed those thoughts away, though. 
Eventually, Brock to favor of being nestled near my neck in the little pouch of my sweater. I laid in my bed, watching youtube videos on my phone for a while as he slept cuddled up against my neck. I took pictures of this, because he'd never done this before. I sent the pics to my friends to share the moment. 
When I was tired to the point that I wanted to sleep, I wasn't sure what to do. I worried that if I just let myself fall asleep with Brock cuddled up with me, I might turn over in my sleep and crush his tiny body. Not wanting that, I brought Brock back downstairs near his cage and wrapped him up in his warm sock again. I wished him goodnight and went to bed. 

Around 6AM, I was half asleep, and heard someone walk into my room, and then leave. 
Around 9AM, I woke up fully and brushed my teeth. I walked out of the bathroom, and my mom calls from her bedroom, "Jess, did you go downstairs yet?"
My immediate thought was, 'Oh no. He's dead'. 
I ran down the stairs and look at where I've left Brock on the table. He's not there. I look in the cage, and I see Brock in the sock as my dad and I have wrapped him the night before. He didn't look much different. His feathers were still fluffy. His eyes were open though, a blank, dead look in them. 
I croaked, "Brock? Brock!"
My voice cracked as I reached and pet my bird's feathers. I stood there for a moment, staring at him, frozen. My mind comprehending what I'm looking at. What had happened. Brock died. My sweet Brock. Gone. As the tears swelled in my eyes, I ran into my room and just sobbed. 
To my friends who I sent the pics of us cuddling together the night before, I told them the sad news, and I ruined their fun time together. They were very supportive for me, so I'm thankful for that. 
Ugh, I just... 
I cried for maybe fifteen minutes. 
It didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe because I saw it coming? I'm just... really sad. 

All week during school, I'd just be walking in the halls, and an "I miss Brock" would spring up into my brain. 
And I do miss him. I miss his fluffy feathers, his bad singing... I really wanted more of that cuddling to happen. Ever since I got Brock and Brooke back in 2009, all I wanted was a bird who'd do exactly what Brock did the night before he died. So... at least I got that type of 'closure' from him before he left. 
This first week of December, 2014.... not off to a great start. 
But for real, I never expected Brock to be gone by now. I thought he'd have at least a couple years left in him. Looks like I thought wrong.

Thanks for reading. 
-Jess

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School Tag? Academic Tag? I dunno.

Hello! Okay, so on one of my best friend's blog she did this tag thing, which seemed interesting so I'm gonna answer the questions myself! Whoo hoooo. Bandwagons!

1. Are you an artsy or sciencey person?
I would have to call myself more of an art lover than science. Like, yeah, science is everything, but art, man!

2. What’s your favorite study snack?
Nothing. I seriously cannot eat and study at the same time. Eating and working have to be two different events. 

3. Do you have any revision rituals (outfits, playlists, breaks)?
I basically work hard-core for a long while, and then when the stress starts getting to me, I switch out of the google docs tab that I'm working on, and then scroll through tumblr or watch a youtube video or something. While working, I do like to have some background noise, so music is a nice thing to have. 

4. What degree/college course are you taking/aspiring towards?
At the moment, I really like Art History. 

5. Does listening to music help or hinder your studying?
Yaassss. Music helps. It keeps my mind sane. I usually listen to alternative rock or 80s music. I have a couple playlists on Spotify that I listen through. It's fun working, and then relieving some of the stress by intensely singing along to Want You Back by the Jackson 5. (OOOH BABY GIVE ME ONE MORE CHAANNCCEEE.) 

6. Do you prefer to study alone or with friends?  
ALONE! It's the only way I'll keep focus. When I'm with friends, we tend to get off task, and end up not doing much studying at all. But hey, at least we had fun not studying?

7. What academic achievement are you most proud of?
Humm... Managing to get a B in Spanish 2 Honors. That class was awful. I hated it so much, and my teacher gave me anxiety, so the fact I've managed to avoid a C amazes me. 

8. What’s your favorite subject?
Art History! Well, I'm not taking that class anymore, and since it's an unpopular subject, there are no other art history classes. Out of the ones I'm learning now? I'd say just regular history. 

9. Is there a subject that you regret taking/not taking?
In freshman year, I took a 'computer graphics and design' class, assuming it'd be like creating logos or something. Nope. It was designing tools on computers. BOOORRRINNG. My little anxious self didn't have the courage to go to guidance and switch out, so every morning of my freshman year started out in misery. Like, I was the only female, and all the boys sat together, conversing, while I sat alone, at my own table. Alone. Awful. 

10. Who/what inspires you?
Good question. Who inspires me academically? Well, I know to get through AP English, I have Kevin Tran from Supernatural inspiring me, "Kevin never got to finish his AP classes, so I have to do this in his honor".  

11. Do you have any study tips that you swear by?
Do what works for you, I guess. Flashcards are my best friends.

12. What is your dream college?
Hahahaha, uhh. Why don't you ask me when I'm in college. It'd probably be that college. (Yeah I'm honestly not even considering what colleges I want to go to right now. I'm more of a 'live in the now. College is a future-Jess problem'.)

13. How many hours do you study a week?
I never really keep track... It depends on if there are any tests or anything. Just however long it takes to review all the info once or twice.

14. What do you use to reward yourself?
Food. For the last lab report I did, after answering a question, I allowed myself to take a bit of an air-head. It was delicious and effective haha.

15. How do you take notes?
Yes! How else am I going to keep track of the info?

16. What is the one school supply that you can’t do without?
Planner. My life would be lost without it. Plus I'd forget to do a lot of homework assignments if I didn't have it with me. 

17. Do you have something/ someone that keeps you motivated?
My friends. Marianna especially. She gives very good threats if she finds out I'm procrastinating. Also my friend Amy sends me this video sometimes. 

18. When do you study, in the morning or evening?
Evening. I never have time in the morning to do anything that isn't getting dressed, brushing my teeth and getting breakfast. 

19. Where do you like to study?
At my desk in my bedroom. 

20. What is one skill/ talent you have that helps you be a better student?
I know my limits.  

21. What is your dream career?
Honestly? I don't know. Something to do with art history, I guess. There aren't a lot of careers that deals with that, exactly though. 


22. How long does it take you to finish homework every night?
I'm usually only assigned homework in Chemistry, English, and Algebra. Algebra and Chemistry combined doesn't take long. Maybe an hour cumulatively. English, however, is a whole other story. English can take from 2-8 hours to complete. In past year, the questions we were asked in homework could easily be found within the text. In this class, you actually have to use your brain and interpret the work. Questions wouldn't be "What did X say about his classroom experience?" It's more like "How did the teacher's teaching methods affect her students? Is it an effective way of teaching?"
Lots of brain-hurting thinking, man. But, hey, I did sign up for this. Also, I gotta do it for Kevin Tran!


Okay, thanks for reading!
-Jess

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The Origin Story of The Nerd Herd (My POV)

Hello. 
I was just discussing with my friends, the ones made through GISHWHES last year, how much has changed in such a short period of time. How the six of us, me, Amy, Rosa, Bailey, Vicki, and Marianna started out as a group of barely-know-you acquaintances (save Rosa and Amy) to people who could share a conversation so deep, and intimate (is that the right word? Not in a romance-y way. Just like in a real close, trusting way). It's amazing. And how did we come together? GISHWHES.

If it weren't for that brilliant event, I wouldn't have the friends I have today. I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I would probably still be on the tilting world of depression, severe anxiety, and loneliness. Yeah, I had Amy and Rosa, but at that time, they've spent a lot of time hanging out together without thinking to invite me. So my freshman year of high school consisted a lot of lonely internet browsing. A lot of Netflix, as well.
I was already friends with Amy from elementary school, and Rosa more recently. from the last year of middle school. I've known Bailey vaguely. I've thought of her as 'one of Roxanne's cool friends'. (Because in my head, Roxanne's a lot cooler than me haha). Vicki I've also known vaguely. Haven't really thought much of her. Marianna became acquainted with each other in 8th grade as well, and plus we sat near each other in English for some time, as well as sharing a gym class.
I almost became friends with Bailey in the beginning of freshman year. During one of those ice-breaker things in English class, I said that I loved playing the Sims 3. Bailey, who sat behind me, was like "I love the Sims!" We then had a conversation together, and it was nice. I was honestly still intimidated by how 'cool' she was. I don't know. I was fresh out of middle school, gimme a break. Unfortunately after a few days, our teacher moved some seats, and Bailey ended up being put on the opposite side of the class. So, there goes that opportunity of friendship. Vicki was in that class as well, but as I mentioned before, I didn't pay much attention to her. Sorry Vicki.
Through facebook, though, I've managed to keep tabs from time to time on both mine and Bailey's growth in obsession over fandom things, like Sherlock and SUPERNATURAL. But yeah, the friendship opportunity was missed, so despite that, we didn't really talk much again in person since our seats have been separated. 


Come the summer, I'm scrolling through my tumblr, and am reading about something called 'GISHWHES'. Curiosity grows, and I check out the website. It seemed really cool, and asked Rosa and Amy if we should do it. This was about 2 weeks before the sign up time was closed. We decided against signing up for it. Saying "We can do it next year, I don't feel like spending $14, plus I don't know who'd be in our team."
A little less than 2 weeks later, I see myself tagged in this facebook update. 


And basically.... that's how the Nerd Herd first came together? Through Gishwhes and Bailey. Thanks to both. 
A few weeks later, GISHWHES begins. I go to Bailey's mom's old home on Sunday, after coming from from church. Vicki and Bailey are sat together in the backyard, at a patio table. I felt a little awkward. I haven't really talked to these people much in the real life. Especially Vicki, who was practically a stranger. But just the sheer excitement of GISHWHES starting. Watching the countdown for the hunt to begin was just amazing. And when that counter hit 0, if Bailey and Vicki may remember, I screamed and flew backwards with my chair. I was very excited. 
Eventually Marianna came along, and yeah, that first night together was legendary. It's not often that you start a friendship through the vicious mutilation of a stuffed bear. 

One big highlight of that week of GISHWHES was when at last all six of us got together for the first time, squashed ourselves in Bailey's dad's truck, and went over to a baseball stadium in attempt to get everyone to chant 'GISHWHES!!'. It was hilarious when we got there, and it turned out that the game wasn't in NJ, but in Maryland. WHOOPS. On the way back to Bailey's home, with our homemade megaphones, everyone in that truck sang our hearts out to Locked Out Of Heaven by Bruno Mars. The windows were completely rolled down, and we kinda screamed at the strangers we drove past the lyrics of the song. 
After that we walked beside the bay as the sun set, and ended the night with some ice cream. It was really lovely. And eating that ice cream on this red picnic bench at Stewart's... I was just really happy to have all these great people in my life. It was the last day of GISHWHES, and I knew I did not want this thing we all had together to end. 


To this day, more than a year later, we still have the original chat that we used to communicate for that first GISHWHES. It was briefly called 'Team Supernaturalist' to being, for a long while 'Team Pandacat' to finally 'The Nerd Herd'. 
I'm happy that Bailey's dad came up with that name. I really love it. If you read back to my earlier blog entries, I have struggled to come up with a name to call our group of friends. I think I'd typically lean towards calling us a 'gang' or whatever. But now I can say 'the herd' or 'the nerds'. It's a great title that I take pride in.

In addition to how close we are now, starting just recently, we've (well, mostly Rosa) have come up with our own special Nerd Herd holidays. It's based off the actual holidays, but altered so that I'd be able to celebrate it. (My religion is very restricting :P) So we've created the Holla-At-Yo-Ween, Nerdsgiving and New Years Narwhal. 

I honestly wish that I've met these nerds much earlier in my life. With high school ending soon, there's no telling what'll happen to us. Where will we go? I just need to cherish all the days we spend together. I'm so happy that we hang out so much now, I can feel us all getting closer and closer, and it's great. Friendship is so great. Seriously, if these people were not in my life, I know for a fact I would not be as happy about life as I am right now. 

I love these nerds. My friends. 
-Jess. 



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Death By Socratic Circles

Hello. So in my AP English class, we have to do these things called Socratic Circles. My class all arrange our desks into a circle, and we basically have a conversation about whatever text we've read most recently read. Now, this sounds pretty dandy. And it would be. Only I have one issue with these circles. We are required to speak up and voice our opinions at LEAST 7 times for an A. Doesn't sound too difficult right? Especially when these circles continue over the course of 2-3 days, yeah? No. Not for me. Not when you have a bad case of social anxiety, and just the mere thought of speaking up terrifies you. I've told my teacher this, briefly, saying "I just get so nervous" and she quickly replied before the circle session began, "Don't be nervous."
Okay. 
Thanks.
That helps me. 

(Not.)
We've completed one of these things so far. The first one, I've managed to speak up 4 times, which, honestly, is a miracle in itself. I got an F for the class grade, but, you know? Better than none. 
The class is currently still working on our second circle, which will end on Monday. One day one, I spoke... none at all. On the second day, I spoke up once, which, in my opinion, is an accomplishment in itself. I fumbled over my words, but I spoke. Like, that' still an utter failure of a grade, but just mustering up the courage to speak once made myself so proud of myself. I will take that F with stride. At least I know for sure I won't be scoring a 0 on this, which I was afraid of. 
I still have one more day to speak up more. I know I'd like to speak up at least 5 times? I kind of doubt I'll be able to do that, but I will honestly, genuinely try. 
Ugh, but the nerves are still so real. I tried to convince myself that it's no big deal. Like, walking to class I gave myself a little pep talk.
Pretend that everyone's talking you. 
Nobody cares if what you say is incorrect.
You're all in this together. 
If you speak up, you can guilt-free play the Sims for hours.
If you don't say anything at all, I FORBID you to eat whatever snack you have until it's lunchtime. 
Speak up. You can do this. Make yourself proud. You got this. 

Ugh.
Well, I'm really hoping that we aren't do so many of these circles. It'll be the death of my academic career if we do so many of these. My teacher has made a point that each one of us are going to be 'facilitators'. I'm not sure how many students are in my class, but there are two facilitators at a time. When the time comes for me to become one I am seriously going to DIE. I don't have any friends in that class! Who's gonna be my partner?? Everyone that I'm moderately acquainted with in that class already has an even closer friend.
The pains of being a junior in a senior class. There are two other juniors in my class, and of course, those two are friends with each other. Ugh.
The anxiety is real, man. I hope I'll survive this class. I'd really hate to have to drop down because of failing out of the class. It's these BLASTED SOCRATIC CIRCLES. I WAS FINE WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING ELSE. I CAN DO BUSY WORK. I ENJOY QUIETLY WRITING ESSAYS. I AM TOTALLY CAPABLE OF THAT. BUT SPEAKING ALOUD??? IN FRONT AND WITH THE REST OF THE CLASS??? THAT JUST PUTS ME IN PANIC MODE, MAN. IT'S AWFUL.
Why did I think I was capable of taking this class? I should've just taken a regular English class, man. Or Advanced Honors. College credit. Who needs that? Bleh. Ugh. Pain. 


Okay, that's all. I have English homework to work on. Bye. Have a good one.
- Jess


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CASTEAN????

HELLO. Oh God, I just finished the Supernatural 200th episode special. It was truly very special. It just... yeah it made my fangirl shipping heart SIINNGGG. It was so great. I can't even describe. I had low expectations for this episode tbh. Like, a musical episode? How the hecksville are they gonna pull that off? Oh, they pulled it off. THEY PULLED IT OFF AND FLUNG IT TO THE NEXT DIMENSION, IT WAS SO GOOD. I AM SO HAPPY. THEY ACKNOWLEDGED MY OTP, DESTIEL, AND AHHUUUGHHH. SAM SHIPS IT. HE WAS EVEN COMING UP WITH SHIP NAMES FOR IT. DESTIEL. DEASTIEL. CASTEAN. AHHH AND THEN DEAN GOT ALL FLUSTERED. I MEAN WHEN THEY ALLUDED TO WINCEST, DEAN WAS LIKE "UH YOU KNOW THEY'RE BROTHERS, RIGHT?" BUT THEN WHEN THEY MENTIONED 'CASTEAN' WE GET A "SHUT UP." NO DENIAL THERE. AHHHHH. okay yeah. I just... I just love this so much. Okay, now what I need next is for Dean and Cas to have a scene where they do that thing where they stare at each other longingly, and then Sam just coughs and mentions their ship name. I would freaking LOVE THAT SO MUCH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. OH GOD, AND WHAT IF CAS IS LIKE "WHAT IS DESTIEL?" and then dean is like "NOPE NOPITY NOPE" but Sam just happily complies and answers his question. OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS AND WONDERFUL AT THE SAME TIME UAUAHGUSOFJASF. 
Okay, so I need to calm down. I'm on, like, a Supernatural high right now. I am just so content with life. It doesn't even matter that I still have chem homework to finish. EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS JUST SO GREAT. AHHHHHH.

CARRY ON, MY WAYWARD SON. 
-Jess  

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Four Day Weekend

Hello. It was a pretty wonky week. I had off Sunday, Tuesday (Election Day), Thursday and Friday (Teacher's convention) and Saturday (today). So what did I do on my days off? Well, I'll give you three words. Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil. 

They are youtubers, and I have been subscribed to them since, like, late 2012? That's when I first discovered them, but, I don't know what happened! Just all of a sudden, I've developed a huge obsession over them! It's very peculiar. It might have been because the two of them started a gaming channel together and opened a shop. With them posting more often together, I just got sucked into the Phan universe, seeking out everything that involves them in it. Preferably together. They're like a packaged deal. You cannot have Dan without Phil, and vice versa. They've lived together, for 2 years, from what I understand, and are best friends. The fact that I know this is kinda creepy, but you know. You watch hours of videos on them over the course of 7 days, you learn a thing or two about the people. I'm not going to get into that, ahhaha. Anyway, if you aren't already, lemme help kick start YOUR love for them via their latest non-gaming video of them together!! PHIL IS NOT ON FIRE 6!



Take care, reader. 
Jess.

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HOLLA-AT-YO-WEEN PARTY



Hello. On Saturday, November 1st, I went to Marianna's house for a Holla-At-Yo-Ween party. A brief explanation: I don't celebrate Halloween, so my friends and I created our own little holiday that has similar attributes, but not the same thing. It was essentially a costume party in November. All of the Nerd Herd was there, which was fabulous. Some of Marianna's younger brother's friends were there as well. They were 5th graders. And... yeah, their presence added just as much fun as you think it would for a group of 16-17 year olds. 
What was everyone dressed up as? 
Bailey was the Governor from the Walking Dead, Vicki was Pikachu, Marianna was... something Homestuck related, Rosa was a human TARDIS, and Amy was... Roxy from Homestuck I think? I went dressed as Vicki. I curled my hair and everything. I called myself 'Vicki 2.0' and joked that I was 'the upgraded version of Vicki'. Everyone was astounded by the likeness of my outfit. Like, I legit was dressed just as Vicki would. 
As you can see, I am wearing a similar outfit to one she has worn before, and we already have pretty similar glasses. And then a thing not depicted is how she likes to wear beanies. Like, in our True American video, she wears a beanie. I also spent an insane amount of time trying to get outrageous curls. The curler I used was too thick to achieve her tight curls, and yeah, naturally strait asian hair and curls don't tend to last very long. More on that later. One last thing I wanna point out, which, again, isn't shown, is that I have my sleeves rolled up to my elbows. I recall a conversation she and I had about sleeves, and she explained how she just cannot have sleeve down to her wrists. It either has to be rolled up to her elbows, or be able to cover her hands. Otherwise, she is an unhappy duckling. 
Okay, enough about my Vicki outfit. 

At the partay, Vicki and Bailey were already there. Marianna had us do this thing where we had to guess the amount of candy corn in a vase. When guessing, I felt up the vase and just let my hand write whatever three numbers it felt. It wrote 249. 
The four of us talked for a bit when Bailey suggested going on an adventure. She proposed that we walk to her house, which is a lot of blocks away from Marianna's house, and get her Just Dance game for us to play. It was slightly drizzling outside, but we went anyway. I was worried about my hair, and how I didn't want to lose my curls so soon, so I attempted to preserve it by tucking it into my hat.
It was a long, cold walk. Shoes got soaked. Bailey didn't have a jacket. She was freezing and we were, for the most part, not having a fun time. Bailey was really regretting suggesting this adventure. 
While walking, we came across... a goose? Duck? I don't know what that creature was, but it was angry and scary. Luckily, it was behind a fence. There was also an orange kitty with a stubby tail. Bailey pet it, and Marianna carried it. TBH that probably wasn't a good idea. Diseases and stuff, you know? Whatever. 
After maybe 15 minutes of walking we finally make it to Bailey's house. We warmed up there briefly. I got to see Bailey's amazing room. 
When Bailey got the game, we headed back out into the cold outside world. They way back was more enjoyable. We were more excited now that we had a game to look forward to playing. Bailey joked "Imagine we get back, and it turns out the game doesn't work?" HAHA. (That actually ended up happening. But that's OK). 
We filmed some fun things. Vicki was ahead of Bailey, Marianna and I, and so we filmed her while 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams' played in the background. Hilarious. 

We get back to the house, and Amy and Rosa arrive. Then we get Just Dance started. 
Bailey wanted to record us playing the game for our Shows Before Bros channel. Technical difficulties arose... we ended up just watching a prerecorded game we found on Youtube, and followed that. It was very fun. Bailey's still has to edit the video, so I cannot share it with you.
The 5th graders were astounded at the fact that we had a youtube channel. This girl dressed as bacon (Rosa and I called her Bacon throughout the party) and this boy dressed as a vampire were extremely excited about it. It was kinda annoying. No- it was annoying. But no matter. I had fun playing.
During the game, Marianna announced the winner of the candy corn guessing thing. It turned out that I WON! In the vase was 250 candy corns, I put down 249! I was one off! WOW! I won the entire vase of candy corn. I probably won't ever eat it all.

After playing Just Dance, we recorded another video, based on puns. We had the little kids sit out and leave us alone. They still interrupted and bothered us anyway. That video is up now, though! HERE IT IS.






You can see my curls have died a significant amount. That hair tucking thing didn't work all too well. I'd say that those curls survived a good half hour, to be honest. 

After that recording session, I had to go home. 

And that was the Holla-At-Yo-Ween party. It was fun!
Thanks for reading.
-Jess

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